When we are in conflict with another person, it can feel like we are opponents.
When that happens, our ego is looking at how that person is wrong and we separate ourselves from who they are.
- I would never say that.
- Why do they not understand my side?
- They are so ridiculous for asking for that.
- Why isn't anything I do right?
- Why isn't anything they do right?
- Why are they always so selfish?
We start judging the other -- and ourselves. It becomes a situation where we either win or lose.
But what if everyone won?
What if we were actually on the same side of the conflict?
We are on the same side.
We both want a successful, connected relationship. That puts us on the same side.
We are on one side and the the conflict is on the other side.
Healthy relationships see the conflict as a problem that has a solution -- even if they haven't found it yet.
Seeing ourselves on the same side limits our stories and judgments about the other person and ourselves. We can see it like an observer rather than from our emotional ego. When we see the conflict as a problem, we know that there's also a solution and we can focus on that, which is what I believe we truly want.
Below is a visualization to help you connect with the person you might be in conflict with right now. Maybe bookmark this page for the next time you're in conflict too.
Questions to journal:
How did it feel in your garden today?
Where did you sit?
Who was with you in the garden?
What compassion and love did you find about the other person?
What did it feel like to have complete love and compasion for the other person?
What did the ball look like?
What was in the ball?
What was it like to see the ball as the opponent, not the other person?
What is important in the ball? What needs to be addressed?
How can you see the wants and needs with compassion (yours and theirs)?
What is the problem that has a solution?
What is the solution?
How can you remember to be on the same side when you try to resolve this with the other?