Have you ever asked someone you love, or one of your co-workers or clients how they see you and what you do in the world? It can feel uncomfortable to ask about yourself, but I think it's almost always worth it if you are open and curious about their perspective. It's even an act of rebellion to ask about the good things (we all know we focus on the constructive or critical parts).
I've been talking to women who have made big shifts in my classes and coaching lately to see how they see me and what I do. It was quite eye-opening.
You see, we might know our mirror image and what we do, but we see all the work and the mistakes and the oopsies along the way. Others get a more abridged-yet-sometimes-more-clear view. They see how we impact the world, how we stand out, what makes us unique -- all in their eyes of course.
I learned a lot about the way I hold space, make invitations, speak about fuzzy concepts with almost tangible tools that makes icky human stuff manageable. It was great feedback and perspective. The best was:
"You teach people how to be human."
That's a perspective I'd never heard before. The more I thought of it, it really summed up what I do and I think it's going to be my new tagline.
But what's this got to do with you?
A few things:
#1 I invite you to ask other people about you.
It could be what you do if you are an entrepreneur like me, or you could just ask a friend how they would describe you to someone you don't know. I bet they will come up with words you never even associated with yourself. You might even see your light and gifts through a new perspective - by someone who sees you with love and kindness. You know - that stuff that's so hard for us to do sometimes. See if you can't expand your perspective to see more of theirs.
#2 We are never done exploring who we are.
There are so many versions of the life we are living. We can get stuck in our everyday and not see the entirety of who we are or the impact we have in the world. We can find new gifts and talents and explore them - even late in life. Be more curious and less assumptive. What if those things you see as your faults are actually gifts waiting for the right time to be used?
#3 If you like a different version of you better, BE that one.
As Glennon Doyle would say, 'what's the truest and most beautiful version of what is?'
Live like that. I don't mean lie to yourself, I mean show up as you want to show up. Don't know how? Find someone who knows to teach you. Surround yourself with women who you want to be like or have qualities you want to see more of in yourself. Most importantly, think to yourself: how do I want to see myself show up? If you feel good about the way you show up, you'll keep doing it more and you'll focus less on what other people might be thinking.
I know these seem like easy things to say. Just change it, right? But it's more than that. It's getting in the right energy for the shift that includes: curiosity, authenticity, transformation and…
Rebellion from old beliefs.
Which means it's the energy of the Adolescent that we need. There is no other archetype better at resisting authority and doing things her own way. She wants to define herself and she has the energy and passion to do exactly what her heart desires, regardless of the limitations elders want to put on her.
She questions her own core beliefs in order to ensure they still serve her or she discards them to fit her new life. She is the phoenix riding into and coming out of the fire.
And she is in you. Maybe quietly waiting in the background, but she is there.
She is in our Adolescent archetype. The archetype of transformation and authenticity.
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